Tanka..the pewter pot; Revised Yet Again
..here's another one i'm not too sure about..but this is the forum to get impressions fromothers about the not-too-sure-ofs..spirit Harmonytold me that by transferring some boiled waterfrom a kettle...
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I think it is lovely, Spiros. It has an air of mystery and transience. I don't think "lent' is the right word here - maybe "releases" or "exhales", and I would be inclined to change "wondered" to...
View ArticleRe: Tanka..the pewter pot; Revised Yet Again
Spiros,It's your Tanka, and if I were reading it for pleasure,I would sigh with contentment.into the pewtera sprinkle of lavender lenteach duskof ages past; I wondered,will my love outlast such...
View ArticleRe: Tanka..the pewter pot; Revised Yet Again
..thanks Liz and Sarah for your take on this poem ..Liz, i sort of like the idea of removing "I wondered"..like the way you arranged the poem without 'i wondered'..thanks ..as for "lent", i feel it...
View ArticleRe: Tanka..the pewter pot; Revised Yet Again
Hi Spiros, this is very atmospheric...lovely! I'll add my thought about "lent", because I first saw it as a noun, where it is positioned... I find myself drawn to your words of explanation when you...
View ArticleRe: Tanka..the pewter pot; Revised Yet Again
..thanks, Lary, for your comment..as to the present tense, i spent some time today thinking about this poem..and i was going to leave it as is until i just gave it another look..and, somehow, present...
View ArticleRe: Tanka..the pewter pot; Revised Yet Again
Spiros,I honestly do not know about the punctuation.If you were writing prose, the punctuation would be different and the capitalization would be different, butin poetry the rules are different. I...
View ArticleRe: Tanka..the pewter pot; Revised Yet Again
I love the revision, Spiros, and the punctuation looks fine to me. Grammatically, a semicolon is correctly used between 2 sentences that are closely related or part of the same idea. It has been...
View ArticleRe: Tanka..the pewter pot; Revised Yet Again
..thanks, Sarah and Liz, for your added comments..>> concerning the semicolon, seems to me i'll make one more revision and to change it into an em dash..i searched google for a while; things...
View ArticleRe: Tanka..the pewter pot; Revised Yet Again
The dash seems to work well, Spiros. but I thought the semicolon was fine too. Whatever feels best to you.
View ArticleRe: Tanka..the pewter pot; Revised Yet Again
..dear people, i have revised it, yet, again if you would like, read my explanation on top of thread.. thanks..>>spiros ---------------------------------------------
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